Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Not the response I was expecting/soliciting....

So most of you reading this know that I made a post on www.pocketfives.com to let people know that I would be starting this blog. A lot of people saw the post, then checked out my 1st entry, and this huge discussion ensued. Basically, my 1st entry was kind of misinterpreted and a lot of people were A. offering me advice on life and B. a lot of people started discussing the importance of poker players balancing their lives on and off the tables. I thought the balancing discussion was pretty interesting, though I chose not to respond in the thread since that was not the point of my original post.

As for my original entry, the depression that I am dealing with is basically in regards to my friends starting new chapters in their lives, and feeling a little left behind. I mentioned the lack of girlfriend in my life and everyone assumed I wanted to get married tomorrow, LOL. That wasn't exactly what I meant. The fact that my friends are all getting serious in life effects me in multiple ways. In the past, on any given Friday or Saturday night I could call any 1 of my 3 best friends up and we would be at a bar or club moments later. Now Jason has to watch Junior, George is working, and Mike is either working or out with his girlfriend.

Before I started poker for a living in 2005 I spent almost 3 years in retail management, working 50+ hours most weeks, never a really consistent schedule. Some days I'd work 6am-4pm, some days noon- 10pm, and some days I'd get a mid-shift working 9am-6pm or 10am-7pm. Before that I waited tables for 2 years, and also ran a produce company with 2 friends. I've pretty much worked at least 40 hours/week since I was a freshman in high school. Now I get to make a living playing a game that I love. I decide when I work and how many hours. If I don't feel like working, then I take the day off it's that simple. Lord willing, I will never have to go back to working for the man, and I will be able to play poker for a living for as long as I choose to.

The only thing that I miss from my days of "working for the man" is the social aspect. Not only did I leave my house every house everyday, but almost every night when I was done working I would find myself doing more social things, either shooting pool with some friends or going to the karaoke bar with a separate group of friends who I no longer speak with much. Nowadays, when I'm done playing I go to sleep, rarely do I go meet friends at the bar for a beer. I miss that. Thats all I miss from my life pre-poker. My goal now is to just find a balance. Right now I take every Thursday off, and try to cut my play short either Friday or Saturday night so I can go out. This might be enough, it may not.... we'll see.

Just to set the record straight, I don't do drugs. I used to smoke weed in high school, and a little bit my freshman year of college, but it's probably been 7 or 8 years since I smoked weed more then 2 times in any given month. The past depression I dealt with was probably 4 years ago and I basically ended up allowing time to heal myself. I saw 2 different therapists and between the 2 they had me on 3-5 different drugs. I had anger issues that I was trying to deal with, but I never really liked any of the prescribed drugs. Some would make me act really weird, some would make me sleep all of the time, and some would never allow me to get to sleep at all. I'm pretty much done with that route, and this time I'm just gonna try and help myself with the support of friends and family.

5 comments:

microlimitdonkey said...

Thanks for this

Good luck to you kevin

Giancarlo said...

Hey Kevin,

You've gotta understand that being an online poker pro is a renegade lifestyle. It not the american dream everybody tries to shoot for, this is a new type of job for the 21st century and you've got to admit that it beats any 9 to 5 job. You should exercise more the fact that you CAN choose your own hours and you DO have more freedom than anybody else. All those friends of yours are just starting that dreadful daily grind the masses go through every day. You should have a smile on your face just because of that! I'm trying hard everyday to improve my game, to get to the levels some of you guys are at. So appreciate the talent you have, and ENJOY LIFE.

Giancarlo B. (1crown)

Chitown said...

Interesting comments. Just like to know how you get through things with the support of your family when you tend to shut them out. Your family loves you-no doubt about that, but they'd much rather see you in person than get an I'm once in awhile. It's not easy for some of your family to deal with your lack of contact. They love you and miss you very much.

Dave said...

Kevin,

One huge omission is glaring in your blog. That is the lack of acknowledgement that you need your family. You don't even refer to family until the last word of your blog.

You state that you "try to cut my play short either Friday or Saturday night so I can go out. This might be enough...". My wish for you is that you realize that is not enough. Nobody can simply tell you that. My comment is not to disagree with you. Going out with friends and social interaction with non-family is immensely important. However, there is a balance netween friends and faily as well as between work and social interaction.

You also mention the Lord once. Talk to him in private, if you don't already, in your own unique, very private and personal way. Have faith, as I do, that it bring some peace to you.

Realize that your family loves you and misses you. The best gift you can give them, as a group, and individually, is your time and attention. Show your Mother that you realize the gem that she is.

Love,
Dave

Dave said...

Kevin,

One huge omission is glaring in your blog. That is the lack of acknowledgement that you need your family. You don't even refer to family until the last word of your blog.

You state that you "try to cut my play short either Friday or Saturday night so I can go out. This might be enough...". My wish for you is that you realize that is not enough. Nobody can simply tell you that. My comment is not to disagree with you. Going out with friends and social interaction with non-family is immensely important. However, there is a balance netween friends and faily as well as between work and social interaction.

You also mention the Lord once. Talk to him in private, if you don't already, in your own unique, very private and personal way. Have faith, as I do, that it bring some peace to you.

Realize that your family loves you and misses you. The best gift you can give them, as a group, and individually, is your time and attention. Show your Mother that you realize the gem that she is.

Love,
Dave